#5: Stop trying to fix everything
I’m an engineer by training. Engineers like to fix things. Many times this year I had to resist the urge to jump to a fix. It’s truly not about the nail:
Importantly, though, I think this video can incorrectly interpreted. I don’t think coaches should ignore the nail. For me, this is really about spending enough time understanding the problem from as many angles as possible. When I find myself convinced I know the answer to something, I force myself to ask another clarifying question or explore from a different perspective. Slow down and spend more time understanding. Fixes are easy if you really take the time in understanding.
#4: Role playing works
Aside from asking “why” (see #3), my most insightful line of question centered around role playing. As your coach, I might ask you this: “Pretend you have 2 minutes in an elevator with the CEO, and they ask you how they can help you. What are you going to say?”.
Or another great question: “If I asked your co-worker to describe you, what would they say?”. This question was surprisingly effective. People will often describe themselves differently than how they think others perceive them. This is usually fertile ground for conversation.
Role playing creates perspective, freedom and focus. As a role-playing coach, I can pretend to be anybody. Your boss, an irritating co-worker, even your future self.
#3: Ask why
A question that stumps most leaders and creates conversation is: “why does your team exist?”.
I coached the leader of a software team this year who answered (logically) “to write and maintain the software assets of the company”. I responded “couldn’t I just outsource that?”. My point was not to antagonize, but to get deeper. Why does your particular team in its current incarnation need to exist? A different way of asking this question is: “if you were rebuilding the company from scratch, would you build precisely the team you have now?”. Usually the answer is “no” and we go from there.
#2: Goodbye OKR’s, hello GEM’s 💎
Setting goals during a coaching engagement is a key step, but for years it left me unsatisfied. While goals give you clarity on what you want, traditional methods (e.g. SMART goals) don’t offer much value in terms of how to get there. Kathy Keating’s GEM framework is a refreshing change. GEM stands for Goal, Experiment, Measure. The idea is to set a goal (e.g. decide on a career change), then create experiments (e.g. talk to Joe about his career change) that have measurables (e.g. present three options to discuss with my coach).
I particularly like the focus on experiments. Creating robust and detailed plans to meet goals is a recipe for failure because nobody knows with precision how to achieve an objective. Instead, creating experiments and figuring out what we can learn from those experiments is much more fluid and true to the process of how we learn anything in life.
#1: It should feel like work
Above all in 2021, I learned that real coaching is work. I like to start my client engagements like I would the first day of work in a new team. After meeting and building trust with my client, I start with an in depth analysis of their professional lives. We get in front of a whiteboard and get in to everything: the who, what and how of their lives. It’s very important to me that I have a complete understanding of who they are.
I like the sports analogy here: A great coach will know all the strengths and weaknesses of their player and they are 100% committed to their improvement. Coaching isn’t about mechanically asking the same-old generic questions and doing goal setting by rote.
When I worked as a software engineer, I’d get totally immersed in a problem. I’d be at the grocery store but in the back of my head I’d be churning on how to fix a bug. When I’m coaching well, it’s the same feeling. I’m thinking about my player and their challenges and thinking of ways we can partner and uncover solutions to make them better. That’s why I love to coach.